Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
