Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
