Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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