I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
