my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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