wanna go halves on a baby?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
