i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
