Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize