Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i need some magic done to my vagina
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
