flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
