I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
