By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You dont lie about slip and slides
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
