Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
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you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
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How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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