Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
