so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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