Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
