Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
