I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
