I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
