you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
