Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
