last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
