my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
