I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
