TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
