I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
