When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
