He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
