my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
