Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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