Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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