Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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