Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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