like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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