so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
