I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm bleeding and have questions
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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