I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
