Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
