Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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