I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
