Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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