He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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