So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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