I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
