Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
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i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
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I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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