my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
