Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
