dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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