need another drink. this is the easiest way
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
