yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
