You're completely useless in the revolution.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize