Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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