Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
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So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
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Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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