im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize